Rosana Maria Cappella and Hector Francisco Amor are respectively 52 and 57 years old. She is “Counselor” (Psychological Consultant), in addition to caring for her home. He is an entrepreneur in Construction. They are married and parents of 5 children. They live in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
At present, along with the Mucchiut couple, he coordinates the area of Family Guidance of the National Secretariat for the Family dependent on the Bishops’ Conference of Argentina. Furthermore, Mr. and Mrs. Amor direct the Diocesan Pastoral Council of the Diocese of San Martín, Buenos Aires Province. They coordinate the formation of implementation teams of the “Urban Pastoral” in the same diocese, in conjunction with the Urban Ministry Team of the Buenos Aires Region (comprised of 11 dioceses). Since 2004, Hector is a member of the Economic Affairs Council (SAC) of the Diocese of San Martin.
Alicia Pontoriero and Alfredo Mucchiut are married and live in Buenos Aires. She is a teacher, but does not presently exercise her profession. She is fully dedicated to caring for their home. He is a physician, specialized in pediatrics. Their family consists of 5 children and 6 grandchildren. They served as Directors of the Diocesan Pastoral Council of the Diocese of San Martin, from 2007 to 2011. They also coordinate the area of “Family, New Generations, and Lay Vocation” of the Diocese of San Martín, Buenos Aires Province, representing the area in the Diocesan Pastoral Council. Their activity in the Work of Mary (Focolare Movement) consists in lively participation in the New Families Movement. They collaborate in the Zonal Secretariat of New Families in the Southern Zone of Argentina. Currently they are taking part in the Seminar PROJECT EXPERTS, as representatives of the Southern Zone. This three-year seminar brings professionals and other representatives of the theme “family” from around the world together in Rome once a year. Presently, together with Mr. and Mrs. Amor, they coordinate the area of Family Guidance’s National Secretariat for the Family, which is dependent on the Bishops’ Conference of Argentina.
1) Have there been some positive changes lately in the method of listening that you use? With the aim of getting greater results, what else do you consider especially useful for guiding new courses in the future during the preparation seminar, or would it be good to increase the time devoted to families in difficulty (perhaps accompanying them in everyday activities, for example, in caring for their home and in moments of amusement)?
Rather than making changes, it’s necessary to consider consolidating improvements in the quality of listening that are reflected in the greatest and most authentic commitment generated between Family Counselors and Guiding Families (OF). In this regard, the method remains the same as at the outset. Attentive, open-minded and active listening, through semi-structured interviews and loving, patient accompaniment, which seeks to reach every corner of a family’s existence; this makes it possible to improve the results, expressed in closer and deeper bonds. Of course, over time the effect of the Family Counseling of Families (CFF) is enriched by the shared experiences and allows increasing the results of this learning to be a family together.
Regarding the second part of the question, we want to emphasize the increasing importance we give to the training of the Guiding Families, which could be divided into three parts:
• INITIAL CAPACITATION THROUGH THE TRAINING SEMINAR. There, the two constituent aspects are addressed: the spiritual one, which we will explain further on, and the basic vision of family problems.
• Participation of the GUIDING COUPLES (GC) in the PERMANENT FORMATION MEETINGS (in our case, these are monthly), where the topics covered in the seminar are deepened and the cases that have been dealt with are analyzed together with the other GC; this is done under the guidance of professionals who, by contributing their specific knowledge, help us to improve our capacity to listen and to accompany the families.
• DEEPENING RELATIONSHIPS AND KNOWLEDGE of the services offered by various social institutions that we call “Networks of Institutions.”
These networks reach places to which the GC don’t have access. Therefore, without abandoning the accompaniment, the GC encourage families to participate in lectures, workshops, meetings and all the types of services provided by these institutions that help them review every aspect of their family life, for example like those included in this question (here the contribution that ecclesial movements can provide becomes important).
At this point, it is useful to refer to our vision of the service and training in itself. We believe in the right balance between the training and the practical exercise of the CFF. The seminar together with the practice with a more experienced couple will give us the right balance for engaging in the task. Then, the on-going formation in the community that shares our own experience allows “perfecting” the contact with families in conflict, by giving them space for growth and learning, for rediscovering their own resources, which are latent in them, and for generating new ones. All this giving to families, returns to us, both transforming and enriching our family life. We discover, along with them, that family conflicts are almost never due to isolated events but rather are in most cases the outcome of processes that we must discover and solve together. This means going to meet the other person, with his/her particular reality, feeling transformed and ready to transform life together.
2) What is the counselor’s secret for acquiring empathy while listening to a family’s problems but without getting involved to the point of losing the necessary distance?
For us Christians, the secret of acquiring empathy, lies in trying to live the Gospel. The Word must be the source of wisdom of all Family Counselors. If we are faithful to this principle, we’ll find the right word in every situation. The Word will tell us how to be and how to act at all times in the service to others. For example, in the text of Matthew 25:40: “…I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me...”; we discovered that one who comes asking for help must be Jesus for us. Seeing Jesus in the other person takes away the fear of acting on the basis of the impulses of our cultural and moral education that rejects what, according to us, is not right. Moreover, those who come should see the supernatural presence in front of them. We should be able to realize the unity between the two Marriage Counselors that generates Jesus’ presence among us. They must see Jesus just as He promised: “…where two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst…”
This unity of the GC has added value; when the difficulty of the family that comes to consult resembles what one of the Guiding Couples may be experiencing, the other couple, which at that moment constitutes the team, then compensates and “lessens” the risk of getting lost in the reality of the consulting family that can lead to the loss of the necessary distance and objectivity essential for providing more effective and concrete help. Seeing Jesus in others and being Jesus for them: these are the pillars on which CFF’s listening reposes. If, in addition, we are part of a larger community, where we interact in fellowship with other teams of GC and especially with the help and support of the team of professionals, this experience allows us get confidently involved in the world of others.
3) What constitutes the contribution of ecclesial movements that are involved? Is there an invigorating exchange of perceptions between its representatives and the guiding families?
One of the richest experiences in the CFF program has been the collaboration with different ecclesial movements. From the very beginning, in the elaboration of the project, couples from Schoenstatt, the Christian Family Movement, Christian Marriage Encounter and the Focolare have been involved. At that time it was an innovative experience in the Diocese, since the contribution of each, put in common as a gift for one another, allowed all of us to discover the beauty of the charisma of the others and, so, made it into the unique charisma of “being a family.”
Throughout 15-year long existence of the CFFs (which have already spread to other dioceses), this sharing of movements expanded. In addition, other movements joined the program, among which we highlight the valuable contribution of couples who are members of the Movement of the Word of God, Cursillos in Christianity and Soledad Mariana. We would like to manifest the wealth generated by this work together in the CFF, which has totally convinced us that this experience could be valid for other groups.
4) What’s the main ingredient of this initiative that you think should be suggested to anyone wanting to engage in an effort like yours?
The main ingredient is that this program is made up of families (in this case, represented by marriage) who listen and accompany other families as equals. We are Families serving Families in the area of the Diocesan Church. The invaluable help and support of a team of professionals, who understand the true spirit of the service, together with a network of institutions with which they interact, contributes to the seriousness and credibility of this service offered by our Church through its members. Then, we understand that the area of the Church must be implicated in coordinated (organic) pastoral action. The close and deep ties between each and every one of those who have engaged in this task have it made the veracity and permanence of this service possible. The unity of criteria regarding key aspects of the task—including community spaces it has created—constitutes some of the principles for the good exercise of the service. Over the years, we have realized that we can do nothing alone, but that together everything is possible.
